you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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