Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
