I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
