did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
