sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
