from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm too high and old for this...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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