i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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