i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
