I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
