Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
