i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
