She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
