Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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