Kiss
Puke
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
