East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
