So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Your dad touched me again.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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