i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
