last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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