Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
