my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
