dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
