i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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