Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
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I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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