i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
