im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
