Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
