Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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