There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
