well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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