I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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