hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i love accidental penises.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
