End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
