I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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