Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
