Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
