I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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