every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I didn't notice because vodka
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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