So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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