Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
