She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
