there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
