Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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