i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The adults are the big ones right?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
