you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We got so high we made milksteak
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
