also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize