i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
