Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
