Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
