so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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