i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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