wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
