just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
