so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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