i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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