Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
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He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
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You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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