y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
