drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
