I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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