He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
