I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
