there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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