I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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