The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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