We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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