there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
