Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
This girl is more easily done than said...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
