Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
