I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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