Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Come share oat with me in your robe
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
