it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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