sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
