i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
