I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Boobs are out for the taking
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
